A very short swim in very cold water (Tromsø, Norway)

At exactly 1:00 pm this afternoon, Brandon and I walked over icy sand and into the ocean, which was cold. We stayed in the water for approximately 58.98 seconds. Five hours later, we are still trying to process this traumatic experience. Our therapist, my imaginary friend Zargon, suggested that we write haikus and share them with a few supportive friends in order to move on with our lives. Please -- help us to heal.

Also, we ate Minke whale for dinner tonight. Chef Brandon turned our "whale flesh" into four edible steaks, two of which he consumed in about fifteen minutes' time. I am waiting to see if he will live through the night.

Here are our divinely inspired haikus (Brandon says, "These are the whale god's vengeance upon humanity" -- but I think that we are artistes):


plunge in arctic sea
would see breath if I could breathe
hy-hy-hyperventilate!

Are you still there, toes?
I cannot see or feel you.
Come back. I miss you.

eat whale, swim in sea
a new years never to be
forgot, auld lang syne

Bad people eat whale.
Masochists swim in North Sea.
I need therapy.

I will not shiver.
Shivering is for the weak.
The Force is with me.

run back to the fire
hunch fetal, warm feet and hands
melt inter-toe snow

The haiku above
brings back painful memories
of when I had toes.

Circulation -- pah!
It is so overrated.
Blue is the new black.

a walk in the park
saw statue of amundsen.
in blue bathing suit

Envious of whales.
Envious of polar bears.
So composed. Not me!

I need some blubber
or a pelt of waterproof
warm fur, or something.

yes, whales socialize,
the canaries of the sea.
but taste like tuna.

Breath freezes in scarf.
Thigh skin like metal armor.
Welcome to the north.

See: snowy mountains,
frosted sand, nothing living.
Let's go for a swim!

"Next time, wear thick clothes,"
they tell me, smiling. Next time?
Am I crazy?! Yes.


That's it for the haiku therapy.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! We hope that 2010 brings you love and joy and wisdom and many, many hot showers.



We love hot showers.