An unpleasant realization (Burela, Spain)

I mentioned earlier that I wanted to write about my desensitization to fish death, which I should really call "desensitization to all damage caused by fishing." This broader term covers individual fish deaths (poor guys); the decimation of entire fish populations; harm to other non-target marine animals; the pollution that the boats produce; the pollution that the trucks that transport the fish to other cities produce; the pollution and diseases that fish farms produce (because these are growing in number and size as a response to overfishing); and much more.

The first item on the list -- individual fish deaths -- is first because it is what was initially most shocking to me when I arrived here. I had just given up my vegetarianism to be able to fully enjoy the cuisine of the countries I'm visiting, but I wasn't prepared to confront the seeming disregard for life that dominates at the fishing ports. The lonjas were full of little fishy corpses, kicked about and bleeding, handled dispassionately; at the docks, I saw live and writhing fish being eviscerated; and I am still horrified when I realize that some of the octopi waiting to be sold, in boxes that contain so many that they look like they are full of liquid, are moving. Well, no. That's not quite true. I'm no longer horrified. And I have gotten used to seeing hundreds of boxes of fish without thinking, "Boxes of dead life!" Now they are just boxes of fish, and it's not as unsettling to me that they had to be killed to end up there. (Furthermore, I have eaten all sorts of seafood, and sometimes also chicken and pork, and I no longer think, "You are eating an animal!" with every bite.)

So far I sound like an animal rights hippie -- the reason I didn't eat meat before is that the poor animals suffered -- but that's not (fully) the case. The boxes of "poor animals" are just representative of the more worrisome consequences of modern fishing, namely, that entire species are being fished to near-extinction, and that fish farms are seen as the solution (instead of a serious reconsideration of fishing practices and: action!). I just read "Omnivore's Dilemma" by Michael Pollan (good book!), in which he traces four meals back to the origins of their ingredients and reveals their "true cost" -- in damage to the environment, damage to human and animal life, damage to the economy. A fast-food hamburger, for instance, is reduced to retired milk cows that spent their entire lives in industry farms being fed genetically modified corn (they are ruminants, though, and aren't biologically equipped to handle corn) that comes from fields in the Midwest that are fertilized with nitrogen and other chemicals created in plants that require huge amounts of energy (so: petroleum) and which flow into rivers that provide drinking water for cities downstream. It is scary when he goes back to the bare essences, no?

So: what worries me about my desensitization to fish death is that I am becoming desensitized to these bare essences! I am seeing overfishing in action (those boxes of dead fish are a LOT of boxes of dead fish) and I am watching the demands of industrial giants being met (the people who buy those boxes of dead fish sell them to processors and grocery stores), and each day I think less and less of it. Pollan says that you can either choose to look away from the true cost of your meal or choose not to participate in the process that produces it -- but I am not doing either. I see, as firsthand as possible, the true cost of fish (the destruction of the oceans, pollution, fish farms), and I keep eating it. It's not all about the eating, though -- it's about my emotional response. I'm no longer reacting strongly to these experiences that should be spurring me to some sort of action. How does that happen? What to do about it?

Well, I'm not sure how clear this was, but I'm adding desensitization to fish death to my List of Unpleasant Realizations About Self That Will (Hopefully) Change the Way I Live in the Future. And I'll probably start eating less fish.